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By Ginger | May 22, 1999
Dear all at home on the waves,
Oops, another potential number one… Unlucky In Love, a song about a lady with a very unlucky vagina that kills her lovers before consummation. Not a very popular subject for hits, I’m sure you will agree, but funny things happen when you’re having fun.
Anyway, I’ve put off writing this new welcome message until I had something to say. What started out as a joke has fortunately (or unfortunately, as some of you may think when you hear it) turned into a thing of great beauty. It’s corny and classy, funny and disturbing… and it has no electric guitars on it. It features a song about Geri Halliwell that some of you may not appreciate.
The thing that hit me when I came back from America is how serious everyone seems to be. Next to Hollywood that’s not surprising, as most people over there don’t know what they’re smiling about half the time. But I’d always seen British people as having the best sense of humour in the world. So while the solo album is being planned, Clam Abuse is being done quick and cheap, if only to show that millions of pounds aren’t needed to make amazing records. Anyone with a love for tunes will fall in love with this. It features a guy called Alex Kane who goes under the disguise of Clint Abuse, and I get to be called Clam Savage. And providing beats and noise toys is Keiron, or Poop Uma Harnie. And it’s good fun.
The solo album is going to rock so hard. Super Shit 666 and Clam Abuse are going to put people into complete confusion as to what to expect. And it will be mental. I get so fucking bored doing the same thing. So from now on expect the unexpected. Music is getting so safe. Where’s the buzz? Top of the Pops seems to be a programme where rock bands get to play their ballads. I’d love to turn on the TV and say “Wow, look at that! Rewind it!”
For me, TOTP was always full of nutcases, and that’s not just “I remember the time” bullshit. Sweet, Wizzard, Slade, Bowie, T Rex, Mott the Hoople, Roxy Music (you gotta admit, even if you haven’t heard any of this lot, just the names sound great), and then punk. Nostalgia shmostalgia music these days is bland. Not bad… bad would be much more entertaining. Parents are more in touch with music these days, so grandparents are probably getting off on some of today’s ‘cutting edge’ stuff. If anyone is in a band out there, do you sound mental? If not, why? All you have to do is make the radio and TV sound like they’re alive again. That’s not much to ask for a life of luxury and mayhem.
Sounds like a good deal. How about it? Tell you what, I’ll start.
See you soon.